"We build too many walls and not enough bridges."

Waiting

Complaints

the service

avoiding

yet expecting 

to walk out

pockets full

“I want my check please”

the obvious difference

between the lower classes

one either learns

the force-

ful behavior

and uses it to manipulate

their status

or pure heartily 

contemplate the knowledge

creating a stronger bond

between intelligence

and wisdom

remaining un-categorized 

growth from within

undefined 

by how heavy their pockets are

I wrote this on a napkin.

He changed his alliance, unrecognized to himself because of his simplicity and inability to derive a sense of responsibility. Apparently I am “too judgmental” according to him.  However, he judges me unknowingly believing somehow I just judge everyone around me and forget myself. I’ll tell you what he should say, “you’re so egotistical.” Fits my liking to judge myself more frequently and critically, occasionally pretending to think about others or him. 

Proximity is the most crucial factor in his sudden switch in behavior. I could blame myself, for two reasons: obsession and embarrassment I had to force my way out of. However, he was left faking a friendship I had created for him so that I too could intervene. When I disappeared, he spent too much time learning from someone who half asses his relationships. I could have warned him, but bonds were already tightly made from a pseudo-blood line and a charismatic leader. 

This new person created a relationship with money, I found the most disappointment in: greed for the sake of being able to “treat” with hope to also be “treated” by others with an expensive bar tab. Money became a guide to manipulation and a sense of entitlement- holding it over our heads because if he needed anything we had to give in. The way he “shared” his wealth, even further alluded to evil. Tempting those around him with the poisonous apple of intoxication. Laughing at his body suffering from alcoholism. 

The next relationship is with this liquid substance. Since he was being force fed, at the slightest stop or unavailability he know longer was pleasant to be around. He felt as though alcohol was the only gift worthy of calling a night “fucking awesome.” I couldn’t stomach it like he could, so I never participated. Brainwashed into believing I was no longer a means of having fun. 

While the last relationship is one he never wanted to achieve - it’s simply not by the code of being a “man” (quoting man because his definition is distorted). But this last relationship is woven with irony because it is a relationship. Most strictly with love - like most would associate the word relationship with. I’ve tried psychoanalyzing this fear- but all I came up with as my etiology was control. He had to have it. With alcohol as an excuse, he could soothe his appetite for control. 

He was taken on as an apprentice, most definitely because he was easy to control.  However, this “friend” never took account for proximity. So I’ll always have hope. If he were to become close to a being with great intentions and wisdom. I hope he will embody their ideas of individuality and create his own. I trust in being a follower he will learn to become a leader. 

lecture

to prove no point

you need to listen to yourself

so i’ll let you keep talking

don’t tell me to worry about paper

how do you except me to take your advice

that includes stressing about the change in my pocket

when you spend your money on the liquid you pour down your throat everyday

your family is cold

haven’t you learned it’s from living to work

and not for love

not for one second will I believe

that your bank account statement 

determines how successful you are

Put in other words:

I do not believe that the change in my pocket or my bank account statement determines my level of success in life. I set my own standard for success: to me that is how long I can live and how long I am emotionally and mentally stable, and the deep amount of love and trust I have in my life.

That each and every day I wake up feeling happy and that I know I am doing the right thing, showing empathy/respect for others, and caring: again based on my own standards of success or morals. //end rant